Ennui

Strangely, in the ennui of things, I have the strongest desire to kill myself. Yes, I am saying it now–I want to kill myself. In psychiatry a person who proclaims suicidal desires deserves emergent attention and should be taken seriously, which leads me to now say that no, I am not really going to kill myself after all– so to all the concerned people (all two of you), save your cell phone loads. It just feels good to say that you want to die, in the same manner that claiming that one is a "tortured artist" or a "soul spiraling into depressive hell", or having enormous eyebags and a long beard after long duties, feel dramatic. That I am now admitting that this is all for effect, of course, relegates this entire verbose paragraph into one long, infernal whine. Yes, this is a whine, and I thank you for listening. (Jan 13, 2007)